Quarter Life Crisis

I am old. Old. Old. OLD.

I dreamed about being 13 for so long... one of the six times I wrote in my diary after the age nine was right before my 13th birthday and I was determined that life would be fabulous, I would suddenly have huge boobs, and my hair would automatically be calm all the time while bouncing in beach waves that would turn blonde over night. Being a teenager was, I was sure, going to be the best time of my life. Last night, in our hostel in Seville that I am sharing with my mom who got here on Wednesday, I layed awake as my 20th birthday ended and thought about how depressing it is that in 10 years I will be 30. Nothing good happens after 30... except that hopefully I will be married with screaming kids all over the place. He better be a hot husband, cause after 30 what's a girl got left? Not her size two pants or freedom or "Daddyyyy please...." ability, that's for sure. My 20's will probably be fabulous too, but there is something so carefree about being in your teens. You don't have to have life figured out or know what you want to "be" when you grow up. I still have no idea what I am doing with my life, but 20 seems so much more dooming; I better figure it out cause apperantly everyone else already has. Or we all go 'round pretending to know what we want to do when really we are all just hoping to get a hot boyfriend, not wake up too hung over, and pass the required science with a lab class. I won't deny how superficial most of my desires are in life right now:

1. get rich

2. find hot man resembling Mark Darcy in looks, character and financial situation (preferably with large estate like Pemberly in England)

3. have unlimited amount of time for reading and going to bookstores

4. have a six pack

5. have the best clothes/European look ever, thus making all other girls jealous

Not the exactly best priorities, but I am 19 and a day. Or 20. Whatever.

I should probably make a grown up list of New Year's resolutions, but honestly, how boring is that? I really have no desire or intention to grow up... obviously I will have to find some way to make money and pay for food and gas and the shoes that I can't stop buying, but for now, who wants to think about that?

Plus I am in Spain, which is kind of a total joke when it comes to school. They haven't figured out higher education yet, so this is more of a "Eat, Pray, Love" kind of year.... mostly eating since I can't seem to find anything to say to God other than "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! but please don't make me fat or old!" and when it comes to loving, all I am loving on is patatas bravas and Tinto de Verano.

The pro-Spain part of this blog should tell you all about what I have seen since Ma arrived. However, I feel like today needs to have a few posts, each about their own thing, so just kidding and that is going to be a new post! Sorry!!